kim john payne at Charlottesville Waldorf School

Kim John Payne: Social Inclusion & the Rites of Passage

Discussion 6:30–8:00pm | Q&A 8:00–9:30pm
Charlottesville High School’s Martin Luther King, Jr. Performing Arts Center

Kim John Payne M.ED tackles this timely and challenging topic with methods that express disapproval of target behaviors while not seeking to give punishment or apportion blame. Rather, matters are dealt with openly and firmly but not judgmentally. This whole community approach fosters a “telling environment” where children and parents feel free to speak up knowing they will not place the victim in further danger or get the bully in trouble.

  • Learn about a social inclusion approach which emphasizes politeness and courtesy as keys to establishing social impulse control and empathetic relationships at home and school.
  • We will explore why certain children get picked on while others bully.
  • Kim John Payne will share how to make teasing guidelines the children understand and use.
  • We will learn how to facilitate class and home meetings around social exclusion issues, and how to actively engage peers, other students, in developing and implementing the Social Inclusion Approach.
  • Kim John Payne will offer simple interventions which can be used by teachers and parents alike.
  • Discover the three foundations of helping children change negative social patterns without needing to be blamed and shamed: 
    • Disapprove/Affirm
    • Discover
    • Do-over
  • Together, we will learn how to develop a whole community approach and policy that is supported in your school and home.

About Kim John Payne, M. ED

Kim John Payne is the author of the #1 Best Selling book Simplicity Parenting.

He is an Australian who has, for 27 years, worked throughout the world as a counselor, consultant, researcher and educator of both children and adults.

He has been helping children, adolescents and families explore issues such as social difficulties with siblings and classmates, attention and behavioral issues at home and school, and a range of emotional issues such as defiance, aggression, addiction, and self-esteem.

He regularly gives keynote addresses at international conferences for educators, parents, and therapists and runs workshops and trainings around the world.

He is faculty at Antioch University New England. He has been featured in Time Magazine, Parenting Magazine, and is a regular guest on NPR, BBC, ABC, NBC, & CBS television.


Social Inclusion Approach

For Faculty

  • Deepens pedagogical and artistic ways to strengthen social health
  • Develops individual transition and recess plans to help create greater safety during social “hot spots”
  • Calms the “socially fevered” child without “awakening” others
  • Strengthens the three challenges of the socially controversial child
    — Impulse control/actions.
    Thoughtless actions
    — Empathy/feeling.
    Unaware of others feelings
    — Perspective taking/thinking.
    Inability to see another child’s point of view
  • Provides developmentally sensitive problem-solving strategies from the Kindergarten/EC through High School
  • Fosters respectful engagement with parents

For Parents

  • Provides a clear road map of how the school works with teasing and exclusion
  • Provides a safe and sensitive structure to bring concerns to the attention of the school
  • Ensures good communication and follow through from the school
  • Fosters a strong spirit of collaboration and “village spirit” when our children are in need
  • Fosters respectful engagement with the faculty

For the Children

  • Creates a “telling culture”, where they know the difference between “truth-telling” and “tattle tale-ing”
  • Creates safety during transitions and on the playground
  • Helps them know when a situation has, or is about to, “cross the line”
  • Gives them tools to work through social tensions without “always making a big deal out of it”
  • Holds the children who are excluding accountable but without “making it worse”

From: Kim John Payne’s

“It has been a transformative experience to see social difficulties as a modern form of how children come to define themselves if we ‘elder’ them in an insightful way. I can now bring hope and inspiration back to a place that often seems hopeless and burdensome.”

Stuart Brown, Elementary School Principal


Mar 07 2019


6:30 pm - 9:30 pm


$5/person in advance, $10/person at the door and bring a friend for free!


Martin Luther King Jr. Performing Arts Center
Martin Luther King Jr. Performing Arts Center, 1400 Melbourne Rd, Charlottesville, VA 22901, USA
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